Bring on the new year

As another year is peeking around the corner I have decided to take a moment to pause and reflect on 2008. I would like to think that it has been a year of personal growth. I have loved but have learned how to let go. I have come to realize that not everything good is good for us and is not always needed. I have attempted to right wrongs of my past by eating the whole damn humble pie....lol....I've attempted to see myself as I am not as I was or what I thought I was in the past. I have accepted my flaws. I have embraced my weaknesses. I have learned to fight for what I believe is best for me. I have attempted to listen more than I speak. I've tried to give my time more freely. I've taken moments to just sit back and enjoy what is around me instead of focusing on what is missing. If I had to attempt to sum up this year in one word it would without a doubt be CHANGE. LOL Ironic right......thinking OBAMA.....that is the most obvious....I have gained faith that people are willing to open their minds and hearts even if it is for purely selfish reasons (moving on from my A.D.D.moment lol) My personal journey however involves change for much different reasons.....I have switched jobs....went after the money instead of the passion (hasn't worked out mentally for me but has taught me a very important lesson and my pocket book has loved it).....physically I have gone through a massive transformation losing @ 70 lbs and still counting.........spiritually have learned that I've been missing out on a lot by not allowing the big man (or woman) upstairs to play a bigger role in my life and have changed my habits to allow that enlightenment in.......I quit smoking......I have changed my mentality to embrace my growth as a person......(I'm far from 18 it was time to mature in the areas I had been lacking).....

Although I know each and every year personal growth and develop will and should occur it is wonderful to feel a sense of accomplishment reflecting back on 2008. It has been a great many years since I have felt a sorrow of letting time pass. Normally I would be sitting here thanking god for the opportunity for a new year and a possible new beginning. This year I am saying thank you for a wonderful year I cannot wait to see what surprises 2009 has in store for me. I hope that each and every one of you has a safe and happy holiday. Hold those you love a little tighter, be thankful for what you have, and please try and look back on what you have accomplished instead of your failures.

Until next time
Live Laugh Love
Ashley

Here we go again

So I have yet to begin writing about my love life and I'm a little hesitant to begin now....for a few reasons.......the most important being.......I can be an IDIOT when it comes to guys and who wants to admit all their flaws to a bunch of people they don't know...........but hey "we" all have our strengths and weaknesses right?!? LOL......so here goes nothing.

I recently got out of a completely toxic relationship. It was short lived (thank goodness) but it was horrible....the short version.....he was thirteen years my elder two kids....(whom I never met) a crazy ex wife, always broke, always "borrowing money" which of course I NEVER saw again, very controlling....basically the type of guy who you never want to see your daughter date.....because of my past history.....which includes numerous tales of me trying to save basically every man I've ever dated from themselves and every different type of woe you can imagine....yeah it's been an interesting life.....maybe I'll elaborate some other time......but in this case I was actually proud of myself from walking away before I got serious burned emotionally, monetarily, or even more frightening physically. WooHoo one point for Ashley.....lol

I am about to jump back on the horse yet again........and to be honest with myself and everyone else I am not completely sure I am ready. I am not convinced I am strong enough yet. I do not want to fall back into the old traps. None the less I have my first date since the break up tomorrow. I am beyond nervous. I hope I can keep a level head.....keep my eyes and ears open and watch out for ALL the warning signs......lol..........wish me luck ya'll and I'll keep you posted on the latest adventures. *SMILE*

Live Love Laugh,
Ashley

Dreams come true

I received a call Monday morning, ironically from the mother of the first family I ever worked as a nanny for, on the first day of my latest job. At first I was a little hesitant to listen to what she was offering. I was literally on the 3rd hour of my job and assumed things would be fine where I was currently positioned. I had talked with H on numerous occasions this year. Learning that her soon to be husband wanted her to get preggo and that she said only if I'd come back lol, then again when she became preggo, again when they got married, extensively when they went out of the country and I took a weeks vacation to care for my old charges and finally this conversation. They are offering, if I am willing to move back to Ohio, to match my salary now to work part-time for them, currently I'm working 60-80 hours a week, also provide room and board, AND they will work around my schedule so that I can go back to school and get my masters. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What other point in time is someone going to practically hand me my masters? I feel as though this is the year of me. A large part of my life unfortunately I have spent attempting to make relationships with the opposite sex work leaving me and my desires to finish dead last in the pack. Making this move I feel as though I am making a huge statement to myself. The past few years have had so many ups and downs between the robbery, and the car accident, kidney stones, finally graduating from college, being rejected for surgery, finally being approved, going through the procedure, dealing with not only the physical changes since surgery but also the emotional and hormonal aspects.....it has been to say the least a roller coaster. The stars must be aligned at the moment however because this is an opportunity that only comes around once in a lifetime. The dreams I have been agonizing over have suddenly become not only obtainable but manageable. I am elated. I can not wait to be around some of my closest friends again and working with children that I not only helped raise but also helped form me into the person I am today. I feel as though the big exhale I have been waiting for has finally arrived. Miracles do happen.........when you least expect them.

Live Love Laugh,
Ashley

Excuse me sir and miss but this is not what was expected.....

I began my new job on Monday November 3 and I am already ready to punch a baby. (Dane Cook people don't take it too seriously) I have been completely bam boozled. First of all during my interview I was told that they had just moved in....I felt this was a good interpretation of what I was seeing......boxes EVERYWHERE....toys EVERYWHERE......chaos EVERYWHERE....I have since learned that they JUST moved in over 3 months ago and "we don't believe in really keeping up with appearances" in English they don't believe in keeping their house clean. There is literally 2 inches of dirt, food, sand and garbage all over their floors. Do we live in America? I really didn't think people could live in 750,000 dollar homes yet not even run a vacuum cleaner..........to make matters worse they don't even OWN a vacuum cleaner.....yes I said and mean it......they do not own a vacuum cleaner. Did I mention one of the children is 10 months old and is crawling on these floors and attempting to eat all the crap of their floors. Stick a fork in me I'm done. I do not know if I am strong enough to handle this situation. To make matters even worse the two older boys are the devils spawn. They do not listen to anyone EVER, they have in less than a week attempted to beat me up, beat each other, thrown food across my car, thrown food across the kitchen, throw cups out the car windows, punched the baby, and have eaten more candy than I thought was possible in a year. They completely run the entire house. I have never seen a family more in need of Dr. Phil, Opera, Nanny 911, and GOD him/herself more in my entire life. Can ya'll do me a favor? Please pray for me.............because at this point it may be the only thing that saves me. I'd write more but these 15 hour days are kicking my ass.

Live Love Laugh
Ashley

Changing winds

Life is filled with an array of changes. Each day popping up when we least expect them to usually sending our lives into a different path than we anticipated. I have been employed as a nanny for almost seven years. It is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I have been known to say it is the best job in the world. I literally get to play everyday. I have been paid to take trips to the zoo, go to the museum, shop at the mall, visit the playground on warm sunny days, sit poolside in the middle of summer and probably my favorite cuddle on the couch in the middle of winter. Each and everyday is an adventure. I never know what is going to happen next but I make the decisions without the overbearing boss or annoying co-workers standing in my way. Although it is fun and thoroughly rewarding there is a difficult side to it all. Yesterday was my last permanent day with a family I have been working with for the past two years. In this line of work in order to be good at your job you became part of the family and love the children as if they are your own. In addition there will always come a point in time when the children grow up and you are no longer needed in the same capacity. Job security is all in the eye of the beholder. There will always be another family that needs a nanny but the duration of stay is always at odds. Letting go yesterday was quite possibly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in life. The two little girls I have been caring for have been the twinkle in my eye for so long that I forget what it was like before knowing them. There are certain things I will never forget.......... creating a mini me (Karyn used to tell me Caitlin is me in minature form from comical relief down to the rolling of the eyes at 1 lol), the pinkie square (Middy's form of pinkie swear lol), cucu nuts, naked moves, super snuggles, the countless "i love you's" and asking "when are you coming home" daily lol. There will be a spot in my heart for them for eternity. I loved and was loved back in a way that many people never experience from children with no blood relation to me in a way that is indescribable. Now it is on to the next family. The next adventure. The next set of personalities. I walk forward with the hope that this situation will carry as much love and support as the last.....knowing it will be very different yet hoping that it will be just as positive. Wish me luck *SMILE*

Until next time
Live love laugh
Ashley