What in the world am I doing?

So I need to vent a little bit about a weird combination of different things and I'm drunk right now...........so I'm sorry ya'll but your going to have to bear with me

Work

So I finally stood up to my boss on friday. I hate that I am such a sucker sometimes....especially when it comes to work. Once again my boss didn't show up until almost 630 on friday....this was after the week from hell and not getting out before 620 every night throughout the entire week. I finally told her that she basically needs to put out more money or get her butt home on time. That her worst case scenerio has turned into my everyday reality and that this is my buisness not a volunteer service I was providing for her family.....we'll see how that one turns out....I am not at all convinced that it will get better so I am definately expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

Men

OK well about I don't know maybe two weeks ago I took a vow that I would not date,talk to, get involved with ANY man for the next three months.....I would honestly like it to be longer than that but I needed a time line that I was sure I could stick too. Of course as is my life since I've made this vow OF COURSE every guy I've ever known has found a way to try to RECONNECT in some way shape or form......guys that I never knew exhisted have asked me out......and I'm proud to say I've turned them all down.......this is where things get a little sticky.........so I got a weird email from "my first love" about a week ago......just saying he'd been thinking about me....it was very generic......and not entirely suprising we've "talked" through email a few times in the past few months.....just kind of catching up on things.....we have not been together in shoot probably 5 years maybe more.........we were together for a little over 4 on and off...........I haven't seen him in ...........shit........maybe 3 or 4 years.........anyway.........he apparently just went through a super tramatic situation with a guy that used to be close to both of us during our time together and some how convinced me to let him call me...........I allowed it and ended up talking to him on the phone for a few hours..........so during this conversation he asked when I'd be in town.....I told him next weekend.......(I have to work for the family that I'll be taking care of when I move back to ohio then staying in town to spend time with Courtney and the girls) He asked if we could get together....maybe have lunch.....I agreed.........I don't know what in the hell I am doing..........this is what I know for sure......he has 3 yes.......3 children with the girl he has been with since we broke up.....I want him to be happy........I asked why he hasn't married this girl.......he told me he thought about it......."but there is another woman that has his heart"............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........this shit pisses me off........because obviously since I'm still thinking about the entire situation I still care..........fudge.........when will I ever completely stop caring.........and is this a really really bad idea to meet him for lunch???? I'd really like to think that it doesn't matter one way or the other but I'm not sure that's entirely the truth........what in the world am I doing? Somebody save me from myself.............LMFAO..........I apparently need it....I'm passing out...........G'night ya'll

Live Love Dream
Ashley